December 10, 2002

corn variously opped

the women here are simply stunning and the men odiously boring. this should be heaven, right? or at least a really fun playground?

it's not, for whatever reason.

the good thing is that if you're sitting alone at a bar the waitpeople bring you a complimentary bowl of flop- and/or popcorn.

i still don't really know how to approach a woman and say, 'i want to bite your shoulder.' how do you convince a woman that she's beautiful in a culture where she's taught to feel like shit?

and with little bits of popcorn stuck to your face and teeth at that, yeah you can imagine.

puyo, ecuador
dec 4, 2002


and another thing, puyo, although a tiny town, has several karaoke bars. the thing is this: that the people do karaoke _even in the daytime_. it's just simply unsettling.

you've just woken up, you're stumbling to the comedor to see what
disappointment they've got in store for you today, and suddenly your ears are accosted by the sounds of 'no hay nada más difícil que vivir sin tí' belted out with all the tunefulness of a passing truck.

you pray a passing asteroid will block out the sun and save this modern day sodom from the divine wrath that awaits it -- just you see -- but no, you look around, you blink, and you resign yourself to the fact that now you've found the one place, the only place in the world, where the people do karaoke in the daytime.

you shake your head sadly and move on.

puyo, ecuador
dec 4, 2002

Posted by at December 10, 2002 07:49 PM

Wouldn't it be ironic if Puyo was destroyed, just like the old Sodom, and the fleeing esposa de Lot turned around, not to look at the city, but to try and catch the strains of a final karaoke melody as it blasted from the fiery city?

And the song playing would be Ace of Base's "Don't Turn Around."

Hey, how 'bout them discount Chilean wines?

Posted by: sean on December 11, 2002 03:54 PM

in 'eat drink man woman' there's a priceless scene this woman gets an invitation to sing and she just resignedly drops her stuff and goes up on stage, like there are no other options when the karaoke calls.

chick factor is really not that great of a song.

Posted by: didofoot on December 12, 2002 03:18 PM

Nor is Seymour Stein. But, "Loneliness of a Middle-Distance Runner," that shit is solid gold.

The last time I went out karaoke singing, all of the "professional" karaoketeers made me really sad. The ones who do the same songs all the time, who obviously have sung "Mack the Knife" every Tuesday night for the past seven months, and who glare at you angrily if you stand up and do a rendition of "On Top of Spaghetti."

Are there any particularly popular karaoke anthems in Ecuador?

Posted by: sean on December 12, 2002 03:25 PM

well you have the usual english tracks

brian addams: i'd dy 4 you
pink floyd: the wall
eagles: hotel california
elliott smith: the biggest lie
britney spears, backstreet boys, etc.

and so on. as for the spanish ones, honestly, program a beat on your casio, and scramble the following phrases and words:

mi soledad
te quiero
si no te hubieras ido
por qué no vuelves
no me dejes
eres mi vida
amor amor
amor amor amor amor

if you can actually sob while you're at it, you get another 5 karaoke points and an animated thumbs-up from julio iglesias. but don't worry, even if you hold the mike up to your dishwasher for 3 minutes you can't get less than 82. i've tried.

Posted by: creationistmonky on December 13, 2002 01:52 PM